I ventured off the front Porch today , to survey the world and the people around me. It’s time for a sanity check. I started the thought with, What’s my Agenda?, that immediately kicked off the response number two ; What’s your Agenda?
Is life like a job interview, or the quiet checklist we think about when we meet new acquaintances ?
Do you put yourself out there only to hear or in non verbal communication feel ,
“I’m sorry, but your goals and qualifications do not match what I’m looking for at this time.”. Have you ever experienced this before? If you’ve ever been turned down for a job opportunity, a date or even an invite for an introduction; it’s likely you have.
What do you do with this response, how do you process it? Does your agenda change ? Should it change ?
First lets look at some reasons for not being on the same pathways that may contribute to not fulfilling your goals and how you can help position yourself in the future:
1. You’re looking for too much , people sometimes worry that when they can’t deliver to your “perceived” expectations , you will not be true and give an honest presentation of yourself and may be inclined to not take the situation seriously.
2. You’re looking for specific behaviors that aren’t available in the other participants personality, emotional makeup, or current loyalty structure; they may be very structured and unable to fully provide every aspect of your required agenda. Mind you they have an agenda, that they are not sharing and you are unconsciously delivering to their needs and wants. How you can help: If you’re looking for a leg up whether its business or friendship; try to be specific, expect the unexpected , your straightforwardness may throw your audience for a loop, because unfortunately we are generally direct in 2 extremes of emotion, intense hatred or intense love. Be flexible, view your agenda as a marathon not a sprint
3. You said you’re looking for long-term solution. However most decisions in life are short term, because once made and experienced, your expectations will change based upon the experience. The reality of this makes some people nervous because they think you won’t be happy and therefore won’t finish your commitment if something better comes around. How you can help: Consider making short-term decisions that are open ended and communicated, instead of long-term ones which are truly decisions made based on partial information.
4. I’ll Take Anything I Can Get, for many people satisfying their immediate needs drives this thought, this personality trait can set off red flags as people want to believe in others but are hesitant to invest of themselves for fear of being rebuffed or better yet hurt by unrequited effort. People want to be around like minded people, unless they are driven by a polar opposite desire, people sometimes want people who they can convince to do what their agenda is.
Confusing huh, there is really no straight prototypical answer. Just know this, Agendas get fulfilled, whether today or in the future. Each step we take pushes us closer to closure. It’s just that the closure may be one sided. As my grandmother used to say, “when god closes a door, he opens a window”. Opportunity always exists if there is movement.
So I suggest these thoughts , Get specific about what you want and what you can be flexible on and what you can not do. Please remember , what you can not do, doesn’t mean you don’t know how, or that you won’t, it just means you just may not be ready to commit.
In today’s social environment , there’s lots of competition for peoples attention, their likes and dislikes. Always stay true to your Agenda but put your best foot forward by having a great approach, practice your flexibility, and being specific about what you require, you may find today’s No, to be tomorrows Maybe and the future’s Yes.